Spanglish Speaker

Spanglish Speaker

audrey lowrey

10/03/2022

I grew up with an immigrant mother from Argentina, and an American father from Kentucky. Born and raised in Miami Florida, living on the small island of Key Biscayne I was a part of the small population of kids who didnt speak fluent Spanish. My father was too ignorant to learn and my mother wasnt consistent enough with speaking it to me. Luckily, by the grace of God, my Argentinian grandmother exclusively spoke to me in Spanish. She would always say "its a crime not to teach a second language to your kids, especially if youre bilingual," since young children and toddlers can retain so much information at that young age. My father came from a very conservative, white american background and never understood nor cared about learning Spanish, even though he had lived in Miami for 20 plus years, it wouldve done him some good, especially since his wife didn't speak the best English. Once again he was very ignorant and close-minded. He didnt want his kids speaking a language he didn't know or wanted my mother to really speak to us and say something he didn't understand, besides my mother needed to practice her English. I know thats something my mother regrets, but fast forward to now my Spanish is no where near where I would like it to be, and growing up it affected me quite negatively.


Growing up going to elementary and middle school my peers were not the most accepting. I spoke Spanish with an almost forced accent. You could tell it wasnt my first language, and I was made fun of it mercilessly. A lot of kids didnt believe me when they found out I was 50% Argentinian because my accent was so bad. It instilled a lot of insecurity in me from a young age to the point where I just felt ashamed of myself. Hearing conversations said about me at lunch as if they thought I didn't know what they were saying. " Esa grina cree que es Argentina, es tan tonta, todos saben que su padre es gringo, her last name isnt even Latin!" I was put in such a predicament. My grandmother was the only person I would go to to talk about this. Crying in her arms after school, she knew it was a mistake that my mother never properly taught me. She would tell me "gordita, ellos no pueden cambiar quien sos" essentially telling me that no matter what they say I will always be Argentinian and that I will always improve. Even now in my adult age, one of the only people I feel 100% comfortable speaking spanish to is my grandmother. I know there is no judgement for my accent, and that confidence overall helps me in conversation with her. Nonetheless, I was the laughing stock at my school, I struggled making friends. I was too white to be friends with the hispanic kids, and too hispanic to be friends or relate to the very few white American kids. I had always been a quiet introverted kid, and I didnt mind it much. I had one of two people I would chat with during class but for the most part I would sit in the counselors office during lunch, or in the bathroom until I got caught, but anything to not hear mean thing being said about me. I became ashamed of who I was and I was in the 6th grade. When youre 11-12 there arent a lot of things to worry about in life, so naturally youd tend to gravitate more towards more dramatic pre teen situations. Judgements are so poor that they dont realize the effects they can have on other kids by bullying them.


Things quickly changed when my peers found out what neighborhood I lived in on the key. Key Biscayne is a small island, theres only one grocery store, one church, and a small beach. The only thing there seemed to be a lot of was judgement and conceitetness. The families that live there come from generational wealth, their kids then grow up with a lot of entitlement, which then translates to disrespecting their nannies and other kids at school, unless they were rich... which at the time my father was. My family lived in a upper class neighborhood, which quickly piqued these bullies interest. Almost instantaneously these kids wanted to be my friend. "You never told us you lived on Mashta Island! what kind of job does your daddy have?' My father is a doctor, but at the time I was not in tune with that being anything important cause he was just my dad. I was too naive to recognize that they only wanted to be my friend and come over to my house because of my fathers money, so the friendships I did have at that time werent genuine. This is something I still struggle with till this day. My worth was determined by what material possessions I had, and thats 100% a trait a lot of people in Miami look for in their friends. It instilled a lot of confusion and insecurity which led me to be more cautious about the people I call a friend. As time went on, my parents got a divorce. My dad sold our home and I moved into a small apartment with him there one the key. As material possessions started to dwindle, so was the attention I was getting. All the people who called me their friend stopped wanted to hangout with me and it was obvious why. I did have a few people to keep me company and didn't care whether or not what situation I was in which I cherished and kept very close to my heart, but for the most part I was still harassed ruthlessly, prank called on a continuous basis, them wanting to test my Spanish and if they caught me saying something or mispronouncing something wrong it was just absolutley hilarious. Unfourtunately I never really stood up for myself, I carried on with my days and internalized everything its crazy even the kids in Miami hold such a brash standard for their friends, I'm kind of glad I was raised to not to care about that kind of stuff, but instead appriciate the simple things about being a kid.

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9/27/22 2:59 PM