The Gift of Gab
Title
The Gift of Gab
Creator
Dylan Masvidal
Date
04/17/2023
Text
Prologue
On June 17th, 2096, the hope for a better tomorrow was snuffed out of every Florida resident in the blink of an eye. Just a mere 9 minutes, only 540 seconds after, incoming college freshman Jerry Kessler was stricken down by a sharp reality check. Six feet of sea level rise was a Floridians reason. What was Jerry’s reason? His parents, grinning at the news of not having to work and failing to account for their son’s near childlike innocence, just revealed to him that they don’t love their jobs. Only Jerry and God himself could comprehend his fit of rage at hearing this revelation. To put it bluntly, Jerry’s outburst did more damage to the Kessler household than the severe flooding. “I shouldn’t have reacted that way,” he told himself that night. “But can they really blame me? How could they just allow themselves to be trapped in a job they don't care for? A job where they don't even feel like they're making a difference on this planet. Call me delusional and naive, but I was told I could be anything and do anything I set my mind to and I was still sucking my thumb when I heard it for the first time. My world is crumbling around me, and I'm expected to just follow protocol and roll over? Nope, not this guy. Adequacy is not in my cards, no sir…” That self-reflection alone consumed the next four years of Jerry’s life, and in his defense, he had nothing better to do. Due to the destructive nature of the flooding, the government decided it was best for a mandatory shutdown of all schools and many on-site/remote jobs because of the transportation and electricity conundrum. College students have been thrust into the workforce to squeeze any ounce of their brain power for ideas on how to fix the system. Another reason for Jerry’s fear of mediocrity to fester. Luckily for him though, his shot at redemption was in arms reach on the same day his world turned upside down.
Part 1: Pre-Training Day
“Samuel Henderson!? At the Hard Rock!?” Jerry could feel a eureka moment rushing to his head in glee. “Don’t get any ideas kiddo. Besides, aren’t you more excited for your first day of college tomorrow? You need some rest,” his mom thoughtfully replied. There goes that eureka moment. “Right, College. 22-years old and going into my first year of college with nothing to show for myself. What a day tomorrow will be.” You couldn’t get more sarcastic if you tried. “Come on sweetie. Trust the process. All those fortune cookies and Ben Folds’ CD’s had to give you some sort of optimism all these years right?” “Of course it did, Mom. No one said it didn’t. Something feels wrong anyway. Countless hours of preparation for this exact day and I’m still not sure what to do with myself.” “That’s just nerves sweetie. You’ll be just fine.” “Is he going on and on about that ‘change the world’ nonsense again?” In walks Jerry’s dad with his usual dismissive retort toward Jerry’s idealization of Samuel Henderson’s patented catchphrase. Make no mistake, Mr. Kessler is in full support of his son, but he cannot stand intellectuals. “Nonsense to you dad, but fuel for the mind to me.” “Good luck with that son, don’t insult your own intelligence like that next time.” Jerry shrugs off both his parent’s advice and does an angsty power walk to his room in dismay. As he enters and looks to sit down at his desk, he accidentally knocks over the garbage bin under it. A multitude of scribbled-on flashcards fall out with job titles and descriptions of those jobs on the back of the card. While picking up the scattered cards from the floor, Jerry can’t help but let out a defeated sigh. He then looks over at his computer and sees the last opened tab. A video titled “Samuel Henderson: ‘Dream Chasing Starts With The Chaser’” on his website “Self Sitdown.” That eureka moment from before has now fully surfaced in his cerebral cortex. “I have to know how to change the world. I have to.” Not even the weight of ten tons could stop Jerry from what he was about to do. Like a bolt of lightning, he zips out of his room and to his garage. In a matter of minutes, he thrusts his dad’s smaller than normal speed boat out of the garage door. Tuning it up and ready to go, he’s almost home free before his front door seemingly blows off the hinge and a thunderous “STOP!” echoes throughout his suburban neighborhood. “Shit,” Jerry whispers under his breath. “Come back here right now with that son,” Mr. Kessler says sternly. “You don’t have to do thi-” his sentence is cut off by Jerry proclaiming “YES I DO! I have to know….” Shockingly enough, without speaking one more word, Mr. and Mrs. Kessler looked at each other. They both see the conviction in their boy’s eyes from 10 feet away. After a long and quiet staredown, they nod in unison at Jerry and he nods back. With nothing in his way, Jerry floors it and gives a celebratory yell rivaling Tobey Maguire’s Spider-Man. He hopes to not let his parents down, but right now, his main goal is to not let himself down.
Part 2: Prolonging The Inevitable
Disheveled street corners, palm trees engulfed in water, and not a single cyclist in sight. “Atlantis is having a rough day today it seems,” Jerry jokes to himself. You see, up until he decided to spontaneously embody the spirit of Evel Knievel, Jerry had never actually taken the time to see what had become of South Florida, in person at least. He’d step outside his front door to pick up the weekly grocery and saluted the drone as it flew away, but never took the time to survey the land. And after finally doing so, he couldn’t be happier. Sure, it isn’t paradise necessarily, but it’s the next best thing in his eyes: Life. He was robbed of it for four years and now he finally has it once more, even if it's not as lively as he hoped. With 10 minutes to go before reaching the Hard Rock stadium, Jerry’s speed boat comes to a screeching halt once he notices the police have closed off a path on the highway to the stadium. The problem is it's the only way to reach it if you’re a middle-class menace, which Jerry just so happens to be, and not an elite elitist who hangs off the door to their helicopter. “Just my luck. I couldn’t catch a break if it fainted.” Yet it would be a fool’s intuition to think Jerry was going to give up at the first sight of a roadblock. Approaching the cops with somewhat of a plan in motion, Jerry begins with a bang. “Officers, what seems to be the problem here?” “Hotshot Tony Robbins clone is giving a presentation at the Hard Rock in 30 minutes, we have orders from the city to limit any saboteurs from trying something funny.” “Ah I see, well I’m sure the city will be happy to know that there’s a giant oil spill just three miles back there.” “WHAT!? All units, we need backu-wait, why are we supposed to believe you, you’re just a snot-nosed kid,” the chief said with just a hint of pretentiousness. “Thank you for noticing my glistening babyface, but trust me, the son of a former captain of the force would never lie.” “Former captain? And who would that be?” “Why the great Thomas Magnum of course, famous mustache and all.” “Haha, you're funny kid. Let me guess, you’re big on this Samuel Jackson guy?” “Henderson, and yes, I need to see him. I’m a lost soul looking for an answer, and I'm certain he can provide it for me.” “Wow, all you had to say was please.” The officer moves the barricade and grins at Jerry. “I hope you find what you’re looking for youngin.” Jerry couldn’t believe it. He wanted to hop off his speed boat and give him a bear hug, but realized there was no time to waste. He throws up a sturdy thumbs-up and continues his path, happy with humanity.
Part 3: Culture Shock
A bright, white light illuminated the sky. No, Jerry didn’t die on his way to the Hard Rock, he made it safe and sound. There he was, anticipating being in the presence of greatness. Yet again however, smooth sailing was too idealistic to expect. Jerry notices he’s just a second too late, the doors are closed. He runs up to the entrance and starts banging it and yelling for someone to open. When that doesn’t work, he notices a truck leaving through a side gate out of the corner of his eye. He tiptoes his way around back and manages to slide right in. From there, he hears Samuel Henderson’s booming voice proclaim, “Thank you all and remember, the world needs change makers like you!” “Damn it!” Jerry can’t believe it, he falls to his knees. He just missed the speech that would change his life. It seems as though a higher power was pushing him in the right direction though as suddenly, he sees Samuel Henderson exiting through a door five feet away from him. “Mr. Henderson!” He says with excitement. “How do I change the world?” “I don’t know my fellow freethinker, just keep believing and you’ll find out yourself.” That’s it. He finally got what he was searching for four years for, and it sucked. Jerry got nothing from it. His idol, his source of inspiration, only provides an empty platitude for all his troubles. He didn’t even take more than ten seconds to answer the question. “Wait, Mr Henderson, if I could just have one minute of your time.” Jerry wasn’t going to let his dreams be dashed that easy. He struggled to push through the security guards with his 5’9 stature and 20 pushups a day muscles. Again, miraculously, Samuel Henderson gave him the light of day. “It’s alright boys, let me talk to this future global leader.” “HELL YEAH!” Jerry said proudly to himself. This was his chance to give his life meaning, there was no time for sweaty palms or tied tongues. “Mr. Henderson, just four years ago today, I was meant to discover what I wanted to do with my life. In the length it takes a butterfly to flap its wings, it was taken from me. I was forced back into an artificial cocoon when it was my turn to be free. I was naive and expected everything to fall in my lap, but even looking back in hindsight, that kind of cruelty was not deserved. If it wasn’t for your words on Self Sitdown, I’d have not a bit of passion left. Now my number has been called up, and I need to have one more answer to truly feel like I’ve earned it. So, I ask you one more time Mr. Henderson, how do I change the world?” For the first time in his professional career, Samuel Henderson had no comeback, no empty platitude to please even the most brainwashed of fans. All he can muster up is a stone-faced “I don’t know kid…. I don’t know.” Samuel then proceeds to give a walk of shame with his bodyguards following, leaving Jerry with an unreadable facial expression.
Part 4: Catharsis
Right as he enters his home, Jerry’s parents are waiting for him on their couch, possibly since he left hours ago. “How was it, are you ok?” They said together. “I’m fine guys, don’t worry.” That’s all Jerry said before going to his room to get some rest; his parents left confused by the interaction. The next morning, the fateful day had arrived. His parents waving him goodluck, Jerry proceeded to walk into a freshman orientation that the board thought was best to get everyone settled in. “Good morning everyone! Welcome to the first day of the rest of your lives.” The dean of campus was starting to sound like someone familiar to Jerry. “To get started, I want to hear some of your majors to see what we’re working with this year.” “You, in the Iron Maiden shirt, what are you majoring in?” Who else could he be pointing at but Jerry. He stares blankly at the dean before forming a smile on his face.
“I don’t know.”
*Illustration created by Leonardo Hernandez/@lasagnaloverleo
On June 17th, 2096, the hope for a better tomorrow was snuffed out of every Florida resident in the blink of an eye. Just a mere 9 minutes, only 540 seconds after, incoming college freshman Jerry Kessler was stricken down by a sharp reality check. Six feet of sea level rise was a Floridians reason. What was Jerry’s reason? His parents, grinning at the news of not having to work and failing to account for their son’s near childlike innocence, just revealed to him that they don’t love their jobs. Only Jerry and God himself could comprehend his fit of rage at hearing this revelation. To put it bluntly, Jerry’s outburst did more damage to the Kessler household than the severe flooding. “I shouldn’t have reacted that way,” he told himself that night. “But can they really blame me? How could they just allow themselves to be trapped in a job they don't care for? A job where they don't even feel like they're making a difference on this planet. Call me delusional and naive, but I was told I could be anything and do anything I set my mind to and I was still sucking my thumb when I heard it for the first time. My world is crumbling around me, and I'm expected to just follow protocol and roll over? Nope, not this guy. Adequacy is not in my cards, no sir…” That self-reflection alone consumed the next four years of Jerry’s life, and in his defense, he had nothing better to do. Due to the destructive nature of the flooding, the government decided it was best for a mandatory shutdown of all schools and many on-site/remote jobs because of the transportation and electricity conundrum. College students have been thrust into the workforce to squeeze any ounce of their brain power for ideas on how to fix the system. Another reason for Jerry’s fear of mediocrity to fester. Luckily for him though, his shot at redemption was in arms reach on the same day his world turned upside down.
Part 1: Pre-Training Day
“Samuel Henderson!? At the Hard Rock!?” Jerry could feel a eureka moment rushing to his head in glee. “Don’t get any ideas kiddo. Besides, aren’t you more excited for your first day of college tomorrow? You need some rest,” his mom thoughtfully replied. There goes that eureka moment. “Right, College. 22-years old and going into my first year of college with nothing to show for myself. What a day tomorrow will be.” You couldn’t get more sarcastic if you tried. “Come on sweetie. Trust the process. All those fortune cookies and Ben Folds’ CD’s had to give you some sort of optimism all these years right?” “Of course it did, Mom. No one said it didn’t. Something feels wrong anyway. Countless hours of preparation for this exact day and I’m still not sure what to do with myself.” “That’s just nerves sweetie. You’ll be just fine.” “Is he going on and on about that ‘change the world’ nonsense again?” In walks Jerry’s dad with his usual dismissive retort toward Jerry’s idealization of Samuel Henderson’s patented catchphrase. Make no mistake, Mr. Kessler is in full support of his son, but he cannot stand intellectuals. “Nonsense to you dad, but fuel for the mind to me.” “Good luck with that son, don’t insult your own intelligence like that next time.” Jerry shrugs off both his parent’s advice and does an angsty power walk to his room in dismay. As he enters and looks to sit down at his desk, he accidentally knocks over the garbage bin under it. A multitude of scribbled-on flashcards fall out with job titles and descriptions of those jobs on the back of the card. While picking up the scattered cards from the floor, Jerry can’t help but let out a defeated sigh. He then looks over at his computer and sees the last opened tab. A video titled “Samuel Henderson: ‘Dream Chasing Starts With The Chaser’” on his website “Self Sitdown.” That eureka moment from before has now fully surfaced in his cerebral cortex. “I have to know how to change the world. I have to.” Not even the weight of ten tons could stop Jerry from what he was about to do. Like a bolt of lightning, he zips out of his room and to his garage. In a matter of minutes, he thrusts his dad’s smaller than normal speed boat out of the garage door. Tuning it up and ready to go, he’s almost home free before his front door seemingly blows off the hinge and a thunderous “STOP!” echoes throughout his suburban neighborhood. “Shit,” Jerry whispers under his breath. “Come back here right now with that son,” Mr. Kessler says sternly. “You don’t have to do thi-” his sentence is cut off by Jerry proclaiming “YES I DO! I have to know….” Shockingly enough, without speaking one more word, Mr. and Mrs. Kessler looked at each other. They both see the conviction in their boy’s eyes from 10 feet away. After a long and quiet staredown, they nod in unison at Jerry and he nods back. With nothing in his way, Jerry floors it and gives a celebratory yell rivaling Tobey Maguire’s Spider-Man. He hopes to not let his parents down, but right now, his main goal is to not let himself down.
Part 2: Prolonging The Inevitable
Disheveled street corners, palm trees engulfed in water, and not a single cyclist in sight. “Atlantis is having a rough day today it seems,” Jerry jokes to himself. You see, up until he decided to spontaneously embody the spirit of Evel Knievel, Jerry had never actually taken the time to see what had become of South Florida, in person at least. He’d step outside his front door to pick up the weekly grocery and saluted the drone as it flew away, but never took the time to survey the land. And after finally doing so, he couldn’t be happier. Sure, it isn’t paradise necessarily, but it’s the next best thing in his eyes: Life. He was robbed of it for four years and now he finally has it once more, even if it's not as lively as he hoped. With 10 minutes to go before reaching the Hard Rock stadium, Jerry’s speed boat comes to a screeching halt once he notices the police have closed off a path on the highway to the stadium. The problem is it's the only way to reach it if you’re a middle-class menace, which Jerry just so happens to be, and not an elite elitist who hangs off the door to their helicopter. “Just my luck. I couldn’t catch a break if it fainted.” Yet it would be a fool’s intuition to think Jerry was going to give up at the first sight of a roadblock. Approaching the cops with somewhat of a plan in motion, Jerry begins with a bang. “Officers, what seems to be the problem here?” “Hotshot Tony Robbins clone is giving a presentation at the Hard Rock in 30 minutes, we have orders from the city to limit any saboteurs from trying something funny.” “Ah I see, well I’m sure the city will be happy to know that there’s a giant oil spill just three miles back there.” “WHAT!? All units, we need backu-wait, why are we supposed to believe you, you’re just a snot-nosed kid,” the chief said with just a hint of pretentiousness. “Thank you for noticing my glistening babyface, but trust me, the son of a former captain of the force would never lie.” “Former captain? And who would that be?” “Why the great Thomas Magnum of course, famous mustache and all.” “Haha, you're funny kid. Let me guess, you’re big on this Samuel Jackson guy?” “Henderson, and yes, I need to see him. I’m a lost soul looking for an answer, and I'm certain he can provide it for me.” “Wow, all you had to say was please.” The officer moves the barricade and grins at Jerry. “I hope you find what you’re looking for youngin.” Jerry couldn’t believe it. He wanted to hop off his speed boat and give him a bear hug, but realized there was no time to waste. He throws up a sturdy thumbs-up and continues his path, happy with humanity.
Part 3: Culture Shock
A bright, white light illuminated the sky. No, Jerry didn’t die on his way to the Hard Rock, he made it safe and sound. There he was, anticipating being in the presence of greatness. Yet again however, smooth sailing was too idealistic to expect. Jerry notices he’s just a second too late, the doors are closed. He runs up to the entrance and starts banging it and yelling for someone to open. When that doesn’t work, he notices a truck leaving through a side gate out of the corner of his eye. He tiptoes his way around back and manages to slide right in. From there, he hears Samuel Henderson’s booming voice proclaim, “Thank you all and remember, the world needs change makers like you!” “Damn it!” Jerry can’t believe it, he falls to his knees. He just missed the speech that would change his life. It seems as though a higher power was pushing him in the right direction though as suddenly, he sees Samuel Henderson exiting through a door five feet away from him. “Mr. Henderson!” He says with excitement. “How do I change the world?” “I don’t know my fellow freethinker, just keep believing and you’ll find out yourself.” That’s it. He finally got what he was searching for four years for, and it sucked. Jerry got nothing from it. His idol, his source of inspiration, only provides an empty platitude for all his troubles. He didn’t even take more than ten seconds to answer the question. “Wait, Mr Henderson, if I could just have one minute of your time.” Jerry wasn’t going to let his dreams be dashed that easy. He struggled to push through the security guards with his 5’9 stature and 20 pushups a day muscles. Again, miraculously, Samuel Henderson gave him the light of day. “It’s alright boys, let me talk to this future global leader.” “HELL YEAH!” Jerry said proudly to himself. This was his chance to give his life meaning, there was no time for sweaty palms or tied tongues. “Mr. Henderson, just four years ago today, I was meant to discover what I wanted to do with my life. In the length it takes a butterfly to flap its wings, it was taken from me. I was forced back into an artificial cocoon when it was my turn to be free. I was naive and expected everything to fall in my lap, but even looking back in hindsight, that kind of cruelty was not deserved. If it wasn’t for your words on Self Sitdown, I’d have not a bit of passion left. Now my number has been called up, and I need to have one more answer to truly feel like I’ve earned it. So, I ask you one more time Mr. Henderson, how do I change the world?” For the first time in his professional career, Samuel Henderson had no comeback, no empty platitude to please even the most brainwashed of fans. All he can muster up is a stone-faced “I don’t know kid…. I don’t know.” Samuel then proceeds to give a walk of shame with his bodyguards following, leaving Jerry with an unreadable facial expression.
Part 4: Catharsis
Right as he enters his home, Jerry’s parents are waiting for him on their couch, possibly since he left hours ago. “How was it, are you ok?” They said together. “I’m fine guys, don’t worry.” That’s all Jerry said before going to his room to get some rest; his parents left confused by the interaction. The next morning, the fateful day had arrived. His parents waving him goodluck, Jerry proceeded to walk into a freshman orientation that the board thought was best to get everyone settled in. “Good morning everyone! Welcome to the first day of the rest of your lives.” The dean of campus was starting to sound like someone familiar to Jerry. “To get started, I want to hear some of your majors to see what we’re working with this year.” “You, in the Iron Maiden shirt, what are you majoring in?” Who else could he be pointing at but Jerry. He stares blankly at the dean before forming a smile on his face.
“I don’t know.”
*Illustration created by Leonardo Hernandez/@lasagnaloverleo
Collection
Citation
Dylan Masvidal, “The Gift of Gab,” Everything Speaks To Me , accessed September 18, 2026, https://everythingspeakstome.com/items/show/209.